If I could just get that feeling back... I don't care if it is with him, or with any other man. I long for the overwhelming feeling, the uncontrolled daze you slip into when your in their presence. The honest and humble confessions, and laughter that can brighten to darkest of storms. I know it doesn't last forever. I know eventually the butterflies begin to dissipate, and you ultimately catch your breath again. I know that you won't always blush when you hear his name and smile big inside every single time you say hello to him.
For the lucky people, it goes away, but it comes back to a degree. Forever in love. Forever happy, even during the worst fights. Even when you say "never talk to me again." You can still lay your head down and know how untrue that was, and how you couldn't wait to speak with them again.
And how about those lucky people who find that person young? Huh? Give it up, round of applause to those people who strike wealth in the dating department as soon as they grow a fucking pubic hair. (What? You didn't think this whole post was going to be a sappy mess, did you?)
I'm so bitter. Maybe that's why things aren't tip top. I'm honestly a fun person to be around. I'm really funny in person. I do crazy things. Just the other weekend, I called one of my brother-in-law's high school buddies a lesbian. Someone told me to do it. And I guess you'd have to have been there to find the slightest fragment of humor to it. But randomly calling a teenage kid a lesbian is pretty darn funny. I think. And no, I do not think lesbians are teenage boys. I know oodles of lesbians who are cool as fuck.
HOW DID THIS POST TURN INTO ME COMPARING TEENAGE BOYS TO LESBIANS?
Back to the sappy stuff. It's all true. I am lonely. I live with 6 people, and I am lonely. I'm lost, stuck, exhausted and ready for something big to happen. I don't know what it is, and I'm not going to try to control it. I'm going to let it happen. I just hope with all my hoping might that it happens soon. I'm talkin'... within the next 3 to 4 hours. 5 tops.
I saw a friend tonight for the first time in a couple of weeks. Well, he is supposed to be my friend. He says he is. But he shows up randomly and hangs out with my husband and kind of talks to me. And then when everyone goes to sleep, he sticks around and talks with me. And it's normally nice. I haven't had a good friend since I was 17. But he's weird. We'll talk and get all deep, and then he leaves and I won't see him for a month. Tonight he came to see my husband. James was sleeping. So he left. I mean, come on. Am I seriously that bad of a person? Why am I having such a hard time making friends with people I meet?
Why do people NOT like hanging out with me?
I'm really fucking super. I just don't get it.
Monday, November 24, 2008
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12 comments:
Hang in there. I feel the same way about my life in general when I spend too much time with my in-laws...like 3 days. I can't even imagine.
I don't have any friends, either. When I die I'll have will be buried in a garbage can because there is only my step-son and my son-in-law to be pallbearers. A garbage can only has two handles, thus I am covered in the pallbearer department.
I think maybe you might be in love with being in love. That first love feeling never stays. Life and circumstances happen. But, first and foremost, you two need to move out on your own. That and get new married friends. For some reason newly married couples always have troubles if single friends (both sexes) keep coming around.
Now send cash or check for my consultation. No insurance, please. Just green paper.
I think finding someone young, and finding someone you want to be with forever, is just a fairy tale. I truly do. It sucks, just know you are not alone.
I'll hang out with you!! I like hanging out with you... on your blog...
I do not have a SINGLE friend I hang out with - man, woman, lesbian, or otherwise. I'm gonna be in trouble when I die - even a garbage can needs two people to carry. ;)
"Give it up, round of applause to those people who strike wealth in the dating department as soon as they grow a fucking pubic hair."
I absolutely loved that line because I know a few people who married someone they started "going with" in 5th grade. I think that's a habit or comfort but not love most of the time.
I feel the same right now. Everytime I turn around, I think that I have a friend, and then they stab me in the back or just leave.
I thought I'd found that "perfect someone", and then he left me. I still feel completely crushed, I just refuse to let him know that.
Do you think there is a group you could join to meet new people? And, have you talked to your hubby?
I fell a little more in love with you with each post I've read...seriously you made me laugh out loud.
And maybe your friend/husband's friend is scared of being alone with you cuz he likes-likes you!
awww, I think you're super! We can be friends! We only live a few hours apart... next time we go to NOLA for the weekend you will have to come hang out with us!
You are super! That's why I read your blog!
Here. I tagged you over here. You're it!
http://bramacks-mom.blogspot.com/2008/11/playing-tag.html
good friends are few and far between. especially decent girl friends.
i feel you pain!
So we can be friends! yes? :D
no really, you will settle in and find some friends soon enough...
just a thought:
my sis has a baby (and she is our age), and i know this sounds cheesey, but she joined a child-play group and has met some nice (but still cool) gals to hang out with. and most of them have husbands... so....
also, i agree with joyce on the thought that maybe your friend does have a little crush on you and he avoids you for that very reason.
Wow. When I'm in a funk like this, Thanksgiving Turkey always does the trick. I've got a lot of leftovers in my fridge, if you'd like to stop by!
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